The List: Frank Thomas in … you can take the rest

Published 12:00 am Sunday, July 1, 2007

I find it absurd that so many people suggest Frank Thomas has to do more to be in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Apparently, hitting 500 home runs isn’t a big deal anymore.

Whaaaat? To even think that is heinous – it’s like stealing from your neighbor. Yes, I know his career came right smack in the middle of the “Great Steroid Scare.”

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But first of all, let’s start with the prestige of this accomplishment. Of the several thousands of players that have ever worn a major league uniform, Thomas’ inclusion makes 21 that have hit 500 career homers.

There’s also the longevity. You have to be healthy and productive a long time. All but two of the members of the 500-home run club – retired Mark McGwire and currently active Ken Griffey Jr. – have played 100 or more games in at least 15 seasons.

Plus the man can flat stroke. He’s one of six players with 500+ homers and a .300+ career batting average.

Frank Thomas will be in the Hall on the first ballot. It will happen.

But then I got to thinking …

What are some things that are more unlikely to happen?

We’ll explore all things implausible when we go down “The List.”

10. Paris Hilton gets a real job – Ha … Hahahahahaha!

And might I add – ha!

9. Scottie Pippen makes a comeback – To what? Basketball? No comment.

8. Iron Bowl moved – In an effort to make more money and gain international fans, the 2009 game will be played in – Australia. Can’t forget about the Tide and Tiger faithful down under.

7. Michelle Wie steps up – Right about now, the odds of her carving out a meaningful career are about as good as me joining the cast of a soap opera.

6. Jason Giambi says something useful – Like, “I think this whole steroid probe would go a lot smoother if it were over.”

5. George W. Bush takes blame and expresses regret – Over the numerous expensive pieces of china he broke during his term in the White House.

4. Paris Hilton gets a real job – Hahahaha. Boy, that never gets old.

3. Super Bowl moved – In an effort to make more money and gain international fans, the 2009 game will be played in – Kazakhstan. Let’s get Borat’s take: “Niiiiiiiice.”

2. Pro soccer taken seriously as a U.S. sport – Only if David Beckham is forced to remove a piece of clothing every time he misses a shot.

1. Paris Hilton gets …. Okay, okay, I’ll shut up now.

George L. Jones is sports editor of The Selma Times-Journal. He can be reached at (334) 410-1744 or .