Column/Top fights that would be better for Pay-Per-View
Published 12:00 am Sunday, May 6, 2007
It was said before and after the Oscar De La Hoya-Floyd Mayweather fight Saturday night that no matter who the winner or loser, the sport of boxing would be the ultimate champion.
And every time I heard that sappy statement I wanted to toss my cookies. But it was a good fight, and Mayweather left Las Vegas with his undefeated record still in tact. So I guess the mission was accomplished.
But then I got to thinking …
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There are several other people who would provide more compelling fights in the ring, and not all of them are boxers.
I think you know what I’m hinting at. Find out the best pound-for-pound matchups when we go down “The List.’
5. Donald Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell – O’Donnell would no doubt dominate both the pre-match press conference and weigh-in. Trump would be the better mover and shaker in the ring, if for no other reason than to protect his comb-over.
Ultimately, O’Donnell isn’t conditioned well enough to last in this one, but she would hang around by playing dirty.
Result: Trump in three rounds.
4. Shaq vs. Phil Jackson – Just as soon as The Diesel kisses and makes up with Kobe, he’s got a beef with his former coach. Always something, isn’t it?
It’s pretty clear Shaq has every imaginable physical advantage, but don’t count the coach out. Jackson would call on Zen forces to create a forcefield around him that would withstand Shaq’s jab. Mind over matter, my friends.
Result: Jackson in eight rounds.
3. Dubya vs. Nancy Pelosi – The Speaker of the House is sharp, she’s quick and she’s got a heck of a glare on her.
George W. Bush, well, he’s got more money for good trainers. And goshdarnit, he’s from Texas.
Result: Pelosi takes the decision because certain Congress members accuse the ringside judges of being “dirty blasted Republicans.”
2. Dale Earnhardt Jr. vs. Teresa Earnhardt – This fight would probably provide the most amusing ringside view. Somewhere around the sixth round, Teresa would retreat to her corner with a calculator and weigh the pros and cons of beating her stepson.
Then Junior would turn to the camera exposing his world famous smirk and a temporary “JR Motorsports” tattoo on his left arm.
Result: Obviously, Junior could lie in the middle of the ring and still win.
1. Barry Bonds vs. Hank Aaron – Oh yes, I went there.
This would be a fight to the death, believe me. And all the way up in the nosebleeds, people would hear Aaron shouting stuff like, “Cream, clear and needles” in between punches.
Then Bonds would retort with something like, “Well, you never hit 73, old man!”
Oh, it’s everything short of ear biting. And it would make MLB Commissioner Bud Selig even richer, although he would watch the match via satellite from an undisclosed location in Canada.
Result: After going the distance, Bonds wins on punches, 771-755.
George L. Jones is sports editor of The Selma Times-Journal. He can be reached at (334) 410-1744 or .