Before I get to the meat of this column, I’d like to begin by giving a big thank you to the Marion police officer that took my report when I lost my cell phone.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cop with prettier handwriting.

And I’d also like to say: Bury James Brown!

Now that I’ve taken care of the preliminary business, it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty.

Cut this column out and frame it, because it’s one of the few times you’ll see me humble myself to the confines of conventional wisdom.

3. Marching in – To all the New Orleans Saints fans that are reading, umm, my bad.

I was foolish enough to think that emotion and hype and feel-goodness can only take a team so far.

While I have earlier said that New Orleans is a good football team, I thought their competition in the playoffs – while not crushing them – would bring them back down to earth.

Philadelphia was the hottest team in the NFL, and those guys had gone to four straight NFC championship games before last year. What do you want from me?

The Saints’ success is a slap in the face to people who believe athletes that get paid to do their jobs can’t play for something bigger than themselves.

2. Peyton’s place – I know I should be happy for the Colts being that much closer to getting the monkey off their backs, but I’m seriously mad at everyone that plays for Indianapolis.

First of all, I hate that after laughing at their defense for 17 weeks, they’re screwing up my playoff bracket.

And because of a friendly bet I made with one of our sports writer, I’m going to be ponying up for Happy Meals until summer.

Money doesn’t grow on trees, but I guess an understanding of gap assignment defense does.

1. Staff injection – So, Nick Saban is hiring people like crazy, but he won’t tell us what they do yet. Mmm hmm.

Several of the names are impressive, but the person that intrigues me most is Major Applewhite.

As of Saturday, his role had not been specified. But he came from Rice, where he was the offensive coordinator.

A 28-year-old O.C. at a major SEC school sounds like a stretch – especially since his last game was a 41-17 loss to Troy.

Either way, his involvement with the team is a great thing. He’s young, he’s very intelligent and well, his name is Major.

I mean, come on. How can you not win with a guy named Major involved with your program?

Also List-worthy: BCS – six years of wrong probably make a right; The commissioning of 20,00 troops to rake my front lawn; Adam Morrison’s terrible hair; Tony Gwynn’s too fat to have done ‘roids; and the secret recipe for KFC’s chicken.

George L. Jones is sports editor of The Selma Times-Journal. He can be reached at