4. M-V-Please – I do recall saying a couple of months ago that if David Ortiz didn’t win the American League MVP, I would burn someone in effigy.

Unfortunately, lighting the resemblance of 100 baseball writers on fire would make too big a mess.

Minnesota’s Justin Morneau had a great year – no, an exceptional year – and his team pulled off a great second-half comeback to win the AL Central.

So I find myself making arguments for both players.

Ortiz, who finished third in the voting, had 54 homers, 137 RBIs and was the most dangerous hitter in the AL in the middle of the summer.

The vast bulk of Morneau’s 34 homers and 130 RBIs came when the Twins were scratching to get back in the pennant race.

Oh, by the way, Derek Jeter finished second in the voting. He hit .343, but someone please tell me what the heck else he did that merited this award.

3. Prothro parade – Receiver Tyrone Prothro, provider of possibly the greatest play in Alabama football history, limped out onto the field before the Iron Bowl with a football tucked under his arm. Cue the music, boys.

Uhhh, wait, not for me. Thanks.

Seriously, what was that? I understand the sentiment, and it would have been different if he were going to get a couple of snaps.

But that came off as a last gasp from a team that was staring down another loss.

2. All that Jazz – Utah is the best team in the NBA.

Not that that’s a bad thing, mind you. I was actually a fan of John Stockton and Karl Malone and badly wanted them to beat the Bulls when they played in back-to-back Finals.

But name one player that’s on their roster right now in three seconds or less … 3, 2, 1 … That’s what I thought.

This should be a good thing. It laughs right in the face of the “Yankee Theory of Team Building.”

But when you market guys like Dwyane Wade, Kevin Garnett, Tracy McGrady and Kobe Bryant and their teams aren’t 11-1, it doesn’t look too good.

1. The Juice – Got just two words for you – O.J. Simpson.

Oh, ya’ll know I’m gonna have some fun with this.

He’s inspired me so much, I’m thinking about writing a book myself. I think I’ll call it “If I Were Going to Tell the World I’m Stupid Without Actually Telling the World I’m Stupid, This is What I’d Say.”

Come on, man. If his new book isn’t a creative attempt at a confession, I guess the world is just flat after all.

Oh well. If the glove doesn’t fit …

Okay, I’ll stop now.

George L. Jones is sports editor for The Times-Journal.