The List: A lineup that’s sure to disappoint

Published 12:00 am Monday, April 10, 2006

The Selma Times Journal

Hello, and welcome to the show.

Today, we have several colorful guests.

We have a man whose venture south of the border wreaked havoc. We have an attention-crazed quarterback. And we have a perfect example why you just shouldn’t let a good thing go.

Without further adieu, let’s get started with “The List.”

5. Zab’s jab – See, this is why you don’t work with family. After Zab Judah delivered an “unintentional” blow to Floyd Mayweather’s groin during Saturday night’s welterweight fight in Las Vegas, Mayweather’s uncle/trainer stormed the ring. And he obviously wasn’t looking for a peaceful apology.

Judah’s father/trainer was sitting in the other corner, and of course he had to jump in.

Here’s what confuses me, though. Why did about 100 other people decide to make the fight their business?

Security and all that, I can understand. But I’m pretty sure a guy selling beer in the eighth row and an aspiring actress/model got in a couple of licks.

4. Underlining the overachievers – The Brewers and Tigers are the best teams in Major League Baseball!

Ummm, not so much. They have the best records in their respective leagues. But we’re like, what, 10 minutes into the season?

Not that anyone was planning on a Milwaukee-Detroit World Series. But just in case you were, think about a couple of things. Detroit (5-1) finishes April with series against defending world champion Chicago, Cleveland, Oakland, Seattle, L.A. and Minnesota. Tigers, it’s your party, and you can cry if you want to.

As for Milwaukee (5-1), well, “I told you so” comes to mind.

3. For the love of cheese – Brett Favre! Make a decision already. Please, oh God, please!

First, Roger Clemens evokes his “Power of Diva” clause to keep the baseball world waiting until mid-summer for a decision on his retirement, and now this.

You can’t tell me you’re looking at the smug grin on Favre’s face and actually believe he’s not enjoying this process. He’s eating it up.

The Green Bay Packers needs you, man – almost as much as people with fantasy teams who are looking for a good bargain.

2. Rick-aaay! – Ricky Williams is, without question, the most talented pothead since Cheech and Chong.

Today a ruling is expected to be made on whether he will serve a year’s suspension from the NFL for another violation of its drug policy.

I really feel for the Dolphins for having to go through this again.

Let this be a lesson: Never trust a man who wears a white wedding dress when he’s clearly not … Where exactly was I going with that?

1. Brave new world – Speaking of a lack of pitching. Seriously, I know somewhere in an office at Turner Field there’s a sample of former pitching coach Leo Mazzone’s DNA. So let’s get it out, send it to some cloning lab in Switzerland and create someone who can teach the Braves pitchers how to throw strikes.

Wanna know why Atlanta has won 14 consecutive division titles? Cuz the other guys couldn’t score as many runs. Duh.

Here are the options: Make a call to the Swiss lab or get Roger McDowell to start kicking people in the rear end.

George l. Jones is a staff writer for The Selma Times-Journal.