Bonds a steroid user? No way!

Published 12:00 am Tuesday, March 7, 2006

No witty banter, sportsfans – just straight to the point.

Barry Bonds has admitted to using steroids.

I think I speak for the rest of the country when I say: I’m shocked and appalled.

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He’s such a great and wonderful role model for tomorrow’s youth.

For you believers, my Oceanside condo in Omaha is still for sale.

To think a guy grew from roughly 190 lbs. as a Pirate, to over 270 lbs from just &8220;sittin’ on the dock of the bay.&8221;

Sportsfans, he didn’t get that swole because of a change in latitudes and longitudes.

Now, a lot of you may be thinking that I’m gloating because of his &8220;retirement&8221; last season because of a stubborn knee injury that just doggonnit, wouldn’t heal.

No, that’s not it. Bonds apparently took last year off to get healed and get clean.

In this week’s issues of Sport’s Illustrated, an excerpt from the new book, Game of Shadows, chronicles Bonds’ steroid useage.

According to the excerpt, beginning in 1998 with injections in his buttocks of Winstrol, a powerful steroid, Barry Bonds took a wide array of performance-enhancing drugs over at least five seasons in a massive doping regimen that grew more sophisticated as the years went on, according to Game of Shadows, a book written by two San Francisco Chronicle reporters at the forefront of reporting on the BALCO steroid distribution scandal.

The excerpt also goes on to mention that not only did the &8220;Baron-ness,&8221; as he was dubbed after his appearance as Paula Abdul at the start of Spring Training use the &8220;Cream&8221; and the &8220;Clear,&8221; Apparently he also used insulin, Human Growth Hormone, which acts as rebar to the steroids’ concrete – strengthening the body’s tendon’s and joints to support the muscle mass created by the steroid use, testosterone decanoate, which is referred to as Mexican beans because of the drug’s quick reaction time and Trenbolone, a steroid used to improve the muscle quality in cattle.

Bonds took stuff that makes bulls strong. Maybe that’s why at age 38, his hat size grew nearly an inch.

Just for the record, heads can figuratively swell (i.e., politicians) but they aren’t literally supposed to do that, especially at that age.

But you know sportsfans, I could rake this guy over the coals for discrediting the game. But let’s be honest, the game of baseball has been discredited ever since the players’ strike for more money in the mid &8216;90’s.

While I could dedicate this one column to raking Bonds over the coals, he’s honestly too easily a target.

Alright Alex, can I have When Worlds Collide for $1000?

Sportsfans you know what’s awesome about this month. Naturally everyone is assuming March Madness and the 64 team NCAA basketball tournament that will crown a national champion, writing another chapter in the annals of NC-double-A history. That’s not what I am talking about.

I am however talking about the World Baseball Classic that began on March 3 and will be played through March 20.

This series of baseball exhibitions will give the fans inside of the U.S.’s borders an opportunity to see what real baseball is like. Today, the Dominican Republic beat the Venezuela squad and U.S. beat team Mexico.

The beautiful thing about the whole WBC is that it is showing that the game of baseball isn’t all about blasting moonshots and who can hit the longball. In reality, it’s quite the opposite – small ball wins games. It’s worked for the last few World Series Champions and it will work for whoever proves to be the top team in the WBC. This is just like watching women’s basketball to learn about offense and defense because the pace of the game is geared towards working systems, anyone who wants to see what it takes to be successful should watch the WBC.

Alex, Battle of the Bulge for $300.

Well sportsfans, I have learned that dieting is not easy. I eat the same thing at Grumbles so much that they pretty much know my order when I walk in the door with the usual suspects in tow.

But hey, I’ve cut 12 lbs.

It’s that simple.