The List/Parity rules so change the rules

Published 12:00 am Monday, October 15, 2007

How about them … Wildcats?

All apologies to Dallas and New England (Midseason Super Bowl? Nuh uh).

But this weekend belonged to amateurs (and the guys who are doing a fabulous job of keeping their lifestyles out of view of NCAA investigators).

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Kentucky’s win over LSU should alone be reason enough to fall in love with college football.

Before this weekend was over, I sneered at people who called this the greatest season ever. Now I’m trying to think of a way to explain all this in a way my grandkids would believe it.

And then I got to thinking …

What could we possibly do to make college football even crazier? Hmm …

6. Shrinking end zones – Let’s say after every touchdown the 3,600 square foot goal gets one yard shallower and three yards narrower.

Of course the only way to do this would be to put drastically unreasonable demands on the grounds crew.

But it’s a small sacrifice in the name of entertainment.

5. Amended penalties – After every flagrant face mask, the defense has to play with one less man for the next play. Any interior lineman can be an eligible receiver, but only on play-action.

And the kickers have to do pushups before every kick. For my own satisfaction, I want to see that they actually do more than swing their legs.

4. Uniform-based possessions – This whole coin toss tradition is played out. Fans should decide who gets the ball first by cheering for the team with the best-looking gear.

All you need is a decibel meter and a little ingenuity … And an apparel company that treats money like air.

Speaking of unis, let’s do something better for the refs. Vertical stripes on guys that haven’t worked out since the 80’s? That’d be a negative.

3. Y-shaped goal posts – Oh, man. I laughed so hard thinking about that, I might need healing in a place I can’t reach anymore.

2. Better use of helmet space – Logos or even nothing on the side of perfectly good headgear is such a disappointing waste of space.

Take a page out of NASCAR’s book and fill that bad boy up with ads.

Who needs boosters when fast food restaurants and soft drink companies have a home right between your star player’s eyes?

1. Sideline reporters are in play – I’m not saying hurt them. Just make them feel closer to the game than they already are.

George L. Jones is sports editor of The Selma Times-Journal. He can be reached at (334) 410-1744 or