Nobody has to take abuse

By Katie Nichols (Contact) | Selma Times-Journal

Published Sunday, October 18, 2009

The hand that struck Jane Doe’s face wasn’t the part that hurt the most. It was the fact the person who hit her was her husband John.

“The first time he hit me was after a couple of months of marriage,” Jane said. “He had yelled some pretty hateful things at me, but I never thought he would hit me. I was so shocked when he did I don’t think I even felt it.”

Jane and John are not their real names. The Selma Times-Journal does not identify victims of domestic abuse, unless it is part of a court record.

Jane and Joe had two girls during their marriage. But the abuse continued.

The Does’ two girls were the catalyst that made Jane decide to get out with her children safely.

“One night after [John] smacked me around pretty badly I was sitting in the girl’s bathroom trying to clean up my face,” Jane said. “My youngest daughter came in the bathroom and then handed me a wash cloth. It was at that moment I realized what all she had seen in her short life and that this was just second nature to her. I knew I had to get her out of that house because she would think that that — hitting and punching — was love.”

Jane’s story isn’t different from many survivors of domestic violence. Like many people who are looking for a safe way out they don’t necessarily know where to turn first.

Since 1991, Selma’s SABRA Sanctuary has housed women and provided services to women and men.

Sabra Agee and Susan

Keith worked to set up the sanctuary.

“The sanctuary was part of the Salvation Army,” Agee said. “In the early 1990s it came apparent that the entity could survive on its own and expand.”

So Agee and Keith began the task of seeing SABRA Sanctuary become a reality.

“SABRA Sanctuary is a place where we want people to feel safe and get help,” Agee said. “Having a place like SABRA in a community is so important. If there isn’t one then where are people supposed to turn to?”

Still the laws that Alabama operated under in the 1990s did not allow officers the ability to protect the victim of domestic violence.

“Several years ago before the Code of Alabama was changed an officer had to basically see one person hit the other person before the aggressor could be arrested,” Lt. David Evans, a Selma Police Department spokesman, said. “Officers would go to a house three or four times a night then and we couldn’t do anything. It was very frustrating. Officers just had to try to convince one party to stay somewhere else for the evening.”

On July 1, 2000, Alabama became the 26th state to make domestic violence a separate crime in the criminal code. The new law defined misdemeanor and felony domestic violence crimes, created mandatory minimum sentences for repeat offenders and allows police officers to look for indications of a primary aggressor in assessing complaints.

The new law essentially let officers arrest people on probable cause. That meant instead of trying to act as a mediator throughout the night and not being able to answer other calls, the officers could make valid arrests that were once not an option.

“Before we couldn’t arrest someone unless the victim signed a warrant, which in a domestic violence case isn’t likely to happen,” Evans said. “Now, we can assess the primary aggressor and make an arrest. This takes the responsibility of the arrest off of the victim.”

The law placed into effect in 2000 also mandated that a person arrested for a domestic violence crime — harassment, assault or menacing — be held in jail for at least 12 hours. This time allows for the survivors to make arrangements to get out of a situation if they want to make that decision.

Domestic violence does not just have to happen between a husband and wife. The law stretches to “current or former spouse, parent, child, any person with whom the defendant has a child in common, a present or former household member, or a person who has or had a dating or engagement relationship with the defendant.”

Unfortunately Jane Doe’s abuse took place before the 2000 law change. She says she wishes the law would have been in place then, but doesn’t hold anyone accountable.

“I was afraid to talk to officers when neighbors would call them in,” she said. “I knew [my ex-husband] would really be mad then. I didn’t want to do anything then that would make him mad. When you live your life in fear of your loved one, you don’t think anyone can help, not even the police. It’s not their fault and it’s not anyone’s fault, but the person hurting the other person.”

The night Jane’s daughter helped her clean the blood up after a particularly bad beating; she decided to ask a trusted friend for help.

“She wasn’t surprised at all,” Jane said. “She just didn’t know how to help.”

Jane’s friend researched a way out for her since Jane didn’t want her husband to know. One day when Jane was supposed to be going to a common errand with her girls, she made her escape.

“After the divorce and custody hearings, I haven’t looked back,” she said. “I’ve taken it as a lesson and I’ve learned from it, but I haven’t let it run my life.”

The only thing Jane said she regretted was that her daughters remember their father hitting their mother.

“I don’t want them thinking that’s what love is,” she said. “I don’t want them to even remember their father that way. Kids are supposed to love both of their parents.”

The SABRA sanctuary helps women and men through their services, but only houses women and children. However, Agee said they would try their best to find housing elsewhere for men in need.

“We have men use our services,” she said. “It isn’t something out of the ordinary. At SABRA sanctuary we help anyone in need.”

If you need help getting out of a domestic violence situation some numbers to call in Dallas County are CHASM Family Resource Center 875-3285, Legal Services Corp 875-3770 or SABRA Sanctuary 874-8711.

---

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE THIS STORY?

---